If I Wasn't Broken
by mochafraptor
Summary: Raven discovers Beast Boy's secret. Rae x BB
1. Unexpected

Chapter 1

Garfield breathed in deeply, considering his next words carefully. Tonight was going very differently than what he had imagined. He had spent all day running around for Robin and Starfire's engagement party, which wasn't a problem. It was something that friends did for each other, and Garfield was accustomed to that. Then he spent the entire evening covering for Cyborg who had gotten more than a little drunk during the night's festivities, even though he was supposed to be the host of the party. Again, this wasn't too out of the ordinary. Heroes always got carried away during these events because they were so few and far between, and that went double for Cyborg. The night hadn't taken its unexpected turn until Robin and Starfire had bid farewell to all their guests, and the team had finished cleaning up after the party.

When all was done, and everyone had gone to bed, Raven unexpectedly showed up at his door. She seemed flustered, and asked to come in. The behavior was strange for Raven, but Garfield let her in, clearing off two chairs for them to sit on. After some awkward small talk, and a drawn out explanation, Raven confessed that she had feelings for him. Garfield was surprised, needless to say. He hadn't picked up on it at all, he thought she hated him. Or at the most, he had to be her least favorite on the team because he always went out of his way to annoy her. Now he had a very unpleasant task before him. He had to turn her down.

"Listen Raven, I'm flattered that you think that way about me, and I appreciate your feelings. But I can't return those feelings."

She sat frozen, staring at him with her emotionless face. "Is it because you like someone else?" She asked in her monotone.

"No, I don't like anyone else." Garfield would've laughed at the idea, but somehow that seemed like an inappropriate response in this moment.

"Don't lie to me to protect my feelings, Gar."

"No really, there's no one else."

"Then, because of my demonic heritage?"

"No, I don't care about that."

She paused for a moment. "Do you just not find me attractive?" She asked tentatively.

"I actually find you to be quite beautiful." It was true, objectively Garfield found her to be more attractive than Starfire, despite what everyone else thought.

"So then," she asked, her composure beginning to break. "Why?"

This was the tough part. He wasn't prepared for a situation like this. With any other girl it would have been easier to just play along for a while, then end it without any mess. Raven would sniff out his secret within a few days if he did that, and Garfield couldn't see a good end for himself in that scenario. Garfield figured it would be better to get it out now, in a controlled instance, rather than it being discovered later and having it blow up in his face. To just one person, rather than every other Titan.

"I," He hesitated, planning how to explain himself. "Can't feel… "

Raven was quiet for a moment, trying to puzzle out what he was saying. "I'm sorry, I don't understand." She deadpanned.

"I mean emotionally. I simply don't feel anything." He said in a voice equally dead.

She chuckled dryly. "Please, you're the most emotional out of all of us. Besides Starfire."

"It's all an act. For the most part I can tell what emotions are appropriate to display in what situations, but I couldn't tell you why people feel emotions."

Raven didn't say anything for several moments. He knew she must be using her abilities to check to see if it were true, and twiddled his thumbs as he waited patiently.

"How have I not noticed this before?" She seemed to be actually concerned.

"Well I do a pretty good job of hiding it, and I don't think you use that particular ability too often anyway."

"But what about Terra, I thought that you loved her? Is she why you're like this?" She asked angrily.

Garfield leaned back in his chair, and shrugged his shoulders. "No, I've been like this for as long as I can remember. She showed up, and seemed into me, so I acted accordingly. The whole situation began spiraling out of control, and I ended up just playing my part."

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I don't believe this."

"If it makes you feel any better, you're the only one who knows this about me."

"Somehow, I don't find that comforting."

He shrugged his shoulders again. "In any case I hope you understand, it's not that I don't like you. It's that I can't. I'm broken."

Raven stood and took a step forward to stand right in front of Garfield. She bent down to be at eye level with him. "I won't accept this. Do you know how hard it was for me to do this? To come here, and lay myself bare for you?" She grabbed him by the collar with both hands, and pulled him out of his seat. "And now I don't even get a chance because of your stupid problems? I don't think so."

This was odd, was she going to beat him up because he didn't like her? That didn't seem like typical Raven behavior. She could freak out, Garfield knew this because he pushed her buttons almost daily, but she really didn't lose her cool over serious things like this. _Oh well._ Garfield braced himself for the inevitable. No doubt she would hurl him across the room in her outrage and embarrassment, and then tomorrow everything could go back to normal. He trusted that she would keep his secret.

It never came. Garfield didn't know what was happening for a full ten seconds, and then it dawned on him. _She's kissing me. Why is she kissing me?_ Raven had removed her hands from his shirt, and now was using them to hold him steady as she pressed her lips against his. She had moved even closer, and now stood pressed up against him. Garfield had always enjoyed her particular aroma, and now it pervaded the air around him, enveloping him in lavender and rose. They pulled apart, and Garfield was almost… disappointed. It had been pleasant on some level, definitely confusing, but pleasant. Garfield cocked his head to one side as she opened her eyes.

"Why did you do that?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"It was more for me than for you." She said with a soft smirk. "We'll work on you tomorrow."

Raven let go of his face and walked back to his door. She opened it and stepped out into the hall, turning to look at him. "I'm not giving up, Beast Boy. I don't believe you're emotionless, and I'm going to prove to you that you're wrong. You aren't broken."

The door closed, and Garfield was left in the silence of his room. One hand drifted up to his lips as he played the scene over and over again in his mind. Raven had confessed to him, he declined her, she kissed him anyway. A reasonable person would have excused herself after his refusal and gone to cope in her room, and Garfield had always considered Raven a reasonable person. Now he had to reconsider, because she wasn't acting reasonably right now. And why was his heart beating faster? It was all very strange. He walked over to his bed, and pulled off his shirt. Laying down to sleep, he found he couldn't keep his mind from returning to that moment. Her lips had been soft, and sweet, and unlike anything he had experienced before.

 _What a weird end to my day._

* * *

 _This is an idea I had, and I think it's a pretty good one. Everyone talks about Raven having emotional problems, but I thought maybe Beast Boy had something to hide under his cheery demeanor. It probably doesn't actually make any sense, but fuck off, this is my fanfic._

 _-Mocha_


	2. Council

_Oh my God. Oh my God._

The door slid shut behind Raven as she entered her room, and she fell back against it, placing a hand over her frantic heart.

 _What did I just do? What just happened?_

She couldn't believe, or even properly remember what had transpired in the last twenty minutes. Everything that she did remember felt unreal. The moments leading up to her talk with Gar had been filled with dread. Her pulse had been pounding in her ears as she told him how she felt. Of course she expected to be turned down, who would want to date an emotionally stunted demon? She'd been prepared to fight for it though. Even demons deserve happiness and anyway, she loved him goddamnit, and wouldn't take no for an answer. She hadn't been expecting this though.

Oddly enough, she didn't feel differently about him. Or rather, it reaffirmed her feelings. Whereas before she thought that they were complete opposites and that was the reason she was attracted to him, now she felt as if they were two sides to the same coin. Two broken pieces that fit with only each other. It just felt right to her. So, she couldn't give up now, not without trying, not without exhausting every single option.

Raven's other hand had found its way up to her mouth, where it traced her lips. An uncharacteristic grin began spreading across her face. She felt giddy, her skin tingled, and she felt like dancing for joy.

 _I kissed him! I did it!_

Of all things, the urge to run and tell Starfire was nearly overwhelming. But then she would have to explain the whole situation to her, and she couldn't reveal Gar's secret, that would be a horrible breach in trust. Instead Raven settled for falling on her bed, and giggling happily to herself. She was acting like a teenage schoolgirl, but she didn't care. She just felt so _happy,_ for the first time in a long time _._ Taking deep breaths to calm herself, she sat up and assumed her meditation position. Now that she was older her powers were more manageable, but she couldn't let things fall apart just because something good happened. And she still had to figure out what to do about Gar.

He truly believed that he was broken, that he had no true feelings. And Raven did feel the emptiness around him when she looked. The absence of any of emotion was so glaringly obvious that she had been shocked that she hadn't notice until that moment. However, Raven had to believe that deep down he could, did, feel something. Why else would he be a hero? Why would he even be friends with any of them? Why would he pay so much attention to her, and be there for her when she needed someone the most?

There was something there, there had to be, but it was buried. There must be so much psychological trauma that his mind had cut the connection to his emotions. Raven had to find the source in order to start healing him. She could go into his mind of course, the problem was that even if she did, if his psyche was guarded enough, she wouldn't find anything. And she wouldn't go in without his permission, she respected him too much and it would be an unspeakable violation of his privacy. So that wasn't an option. The only thing Raven could think of was basically impossible for her. She would have to get close to him, closer than she was with anybody else, but also more than he was as well. She would have to become the person that he could open up to, the one that he trusted implicitly and without reservation. Forget whatever barriers he brought to the equation, Raven herself wasn't ready for such intimacy.

The moment Raven had decided that she would pursue a relationship with Gar she realized that at some point she would have to open up to him on that level, but now things were different. Now she would be the one actively chasing emotional input from him, instead of the other way around, and it would be _much_ sooner than she was prepared for. Just thinking about it made it Raven's heart race with anxiety. The inner turmoil was too much, she could almost hear her emotions panicking. She would have to visit Nevermore.

With barely a thought, her mirror floated from her dresser to lay before her on the bed. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the mirror, and within moments she could feel the falling sensation that accompanied the travel to her inner sanctum. Raven opened her eyes to find herself in the familiar landscape. The dark sky and craggy terrain were just as foreboding as ever. Around her the emotions were in varying states of chaos. Happy was running around with her arms out making airplane noises, while Sad was wandering aimlessly. Rage and Brave were fighting both verbally and physically overhead as Rude and Sloth watched from below, Rude rolling around in a fit of laughter at the spectacle above. Nearby Knowledge and Timid sat together with books spread around them, one mumbling to herself while the other was cradling her head in between her hands. The only ones to approach Raven were Wisdom and Love.

"We need to talk." Raven said.

"No kidding." Love replied. "The man we love is in serious emotional distress."

Wisdom nodded. "And we're the only one who knows, so we're the only one who can help."

"But how? I'm not exactly the best at this kind of thing. I mean, what can I even do?"

"In order to find a starting place, we first need to know what we're dealing with." Wisdom said, walking over to where her counterpart sat. "I've had Knowledge sift through everything you've looked up about it."

The yellow emotion looked up from the tome she was paging through. "I'm no doctor, but my first guess would be that he suffers from some sort of psychopathic personality disorder."

"What do you mean? That he was born like this?" Raven asked.

"Possibly. But we can't know for certain until we find out more."

"Which means we need to be closer to him. Much closer." Wisdom concluded.

"Yeah, I got that far on my own."

Suddenly, Raven was tackled from behind. She turned herself over to come face-to-face with Happy, who was beaming down at her.

"Isn't that great!?" She exclaimed. "We get to spend more time with the one person who makes us truly happy!"

"It's not going to be fun and games you idiot." Raven said. "This is serious."

Love came over and helped them both off the ground. "You should let her enjoy it. Try to enjoy it yourself a little. You only get one, maybe two of these in a lifetime."

Raven was dubious. "How could I? This is a really bad situation, that could become so much worse. I don't even know if what I feel is real, or just infatuation."

"Well, no one said it would be easy. If it was, it definitely wouldn't be real." Love replied with a warm smile. "And if it wasn't real, then I definitely wouldn't be here."

Raven frowned, then as she as she remembered the moment she shared with Beast Boy she broke into a grin. Before she could reply, Brave landed and slid a meter to stand in front of her, facing the other way. Floating above was Rage, her arms outstretched and encased in dark light.

"How dare he!" Rage shouted, her voice booming across the landscape. "Deny my advance will he? That ungrateful little-!"

"She's not taking rejection well." Brave said over her shoulder to Raven. "Go figure."

"That I should deign to choose him, of all the potential mates available to me, and then grace him with my presence, only to suffer through his refusal!? He should be so lucky!" Rage let out a guttural cry, then pressed her attack against Brave. "Doesn't he know he has no choice?! He is mine! He should be begging me for forgiveness! Kneeling before me and groveling!"

As they took to the sky again Raven watched, slightly embarrassed about Rage's words. The volatile emotion really wasn't handling this well. She was still watching them when she felt someone tug her cloak. It was Timid, looking forlorn.

"We shouldn't have said anything, it was a bad idea. Now Beast Boy will hate us, and everything will turn bad. Why couldn't we be happy with being just friends? Now everything is ruined." She said morosely.

Raven shook her head. "No, we aren't done yet." She took the gray emotion's hand in her own. "We'll find a way to show Beast Boy that he's wrong, and everything will work out."

Timid didn't look convinced, but let go of Raven and returned to her position next to Knowledge. Raven sighed, exasperated. That particular emotion had always been frustrating. _I guess you can't fight against your nature._ Raven turned to Wisdom.

"So, what's the plan?" She asked.

Wisdom gave her a rare smile. "It's incredibly simple…"

* * *

Hey, sorry that it took so long to get this out. I kind of accidentally started writing two stories, and the other one I'm planning to have much bigger updates. So… Yeah… Well anyway, once I get a good habit down I think I'll be able to crank these out a little bit faster. Tell me what you think in the reviews, it helps a bunch for motivation.

-Mocha


	3. Curveball

Both eyes snapped open as Garfield awoke to his phone quietly vibrating on his desk. He rolled out of bed and grabbed the phone as he went to his bathroom, silencing the alarm. A quick shower, a moment to brush his teeth and comb his hair, and he was done. Leaving the bathroom, he stepped around the strategically placed piles of dirty laundry and garbage to his closet, where he removed a freshly cleaned uniform. The calculated chaos of his room was frustrating sometimes, but it kept people out for the most part, and lent to the illusion of _Beast Boy, the lovable idiot._ He paused for a moment in front of his door to paint a smile on his face before opening it and stepping out into the hall. Immediately he was confronted with Raven, who was standing on the opposite side.

"Oh, it's you." He stated, all emotion falling from his face. No need to act for her. _You would think she would avoid me after last night. At least it'll be easier around her from now on._

"It's me." She agreed. "Listen, no matter what happens today, just go along with it. Understand?"

Garfield cocked his head to the side, curious. "Not really."

She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. If I do something, go along with it. Or else."

"Or else?"

"Or else."

"…Fine." Garfield reluctantly conceded.

It sounded a lot like Raven was blackmailing him, but that couldn't be right. Raven didn't do things like that. She was supposed to be the levelheaded, reasonable one in the group, who kept everyone else grounded in reality. Then again, there was all that weirdness from last night, so maybe blackmail wasn't too far-fetched. _How tedious_. They walked together to the kitchen where they sat down at the table. Garfield started engaging Cyborg in their usual morning banter over what constituted a good breakfast, as Raven began making her tea.

Robin and Starfire walked in with suitcases and bags packed for their vacation. They were going to spend five days in the Maldives while Cyborg remained in charge here. At least that's what the plan was. Starfire had spent days arguing with Robin over the vacation. First she had to convince him that they needed one to celebrate their engagement, then they argued about how long it should be. Robin didn't want to be away for more than a weekend, and Starfire wanted to spend two weeks traveling the world. Eventually everyone else got involved in the argument, and naturally everyone sided with Starfire. Garfield didn't actually care though, he just wanted them to stop arguing. It was incredibly annoying. Now they were leaving today after breakfast, hopefully, and they'd be out of everyone's hair for at least a little while.

"So, Cyborg, you have the itinerary for the team while I'm gone?" Robin asked.

"In digital, and paper." He replied, holding up a piece of paper and tapping the side of his head.

"And you know what to do in case-"

"Dude, I got this. Go have fun with your fiancé, and leave us alone."

Robin shrugged. "Okay. I guess Star and I will be off then."

"Hold on. I'd like to make an announcement."

Everyone stopped and looked at Raven, who was standing next to Garfield at the table. Instinctively, Garfield that this was the moment. Whatever happened next he would have to go along with, and couldn't back out of. He turned and looked at Raven expectantly, propping his head up with one hand. Before he could react she made her move. _She's kissing me. Again._ Everyone stopped. Robin and Cyborg stood with their mouths hanging slightly agape, while Starfire looked pleasantly shocked with one hand gripping Robin's shirt, the other in front of her mouth. Garfield's body was frozen as his mind raced to figure out what was going on. Raven mostly blocked his view, but from his angle he could still see Cyborg and Robin. His eyes darted between them, seeking assistance. Neither were responsive. After what seemed like a long time, but actually couldn't have been more than a minute, Raven finally relented and pulled away from him to face the others. Garfield wasn't acting when he fell out of his chair.

"Gar and I, as of last night, are dating." She stated, and calmly took a sip of her tea.

Another moment passed before anyone did anything.

Cyborg was the first to speak, his voice strained. "I, what," He coughed then paused, collecting himself. "How long has this been a thing?" He asked incredulously.

"Not that long. Like I said, nothing was happening between us until last night."

"No I mean, how long have you had feelings for each other?"

"Well I can only speak for myself, but I've liked Gar for some time now, and told him so last night."

"And you BB?"

Garfield shook his head and got to his knees to peek over the table at the others. He shot a glance at Raven before answering. "I'm not exactly sure." He said, stalling to come up with a better story. "I guess I've always liked Raven. But I never imagined it could work out this way." He said, playing up his shyness. _Hopefully that will satisfy everyone_.

It was Robin who spoke up next. "Well I'm surprised, to say the least. I never saw this coming. Like, at all." He said.

"How glorious!" Starfire positively exploded, rushing forward to grab both of Raven's hands. "I am overjoyed that two of my friends have found happiness with each other! We must engage in the girl talk, you have to tell me everything!" She started dragging Raven away before Robin stopped her.

"You can't right now Star, we've got a flight to catch if you want to do this vacation." He said as he mimed tapping a watch.

Starfire immediately started pouting, but turned to Raven and gave her a hug. "He is right. Though I wish to discuss this immediately, I already have a previous engagement with my fiancé."

"It's alright, Star." Raven replied with a small smile. "I'll call you tonight on the communicator, and we can talk then. Deal?"

"It is most definitely a deal!" Starfire said with a broad smile. She embraced Raven tightly before grabbing her things and leaving with Robin. Garfield, Raven, and Cyborg were left standing in the kitchen in awkward silence.

Cyborg turned to them. "So, you guys are together now?"

"Yeah that's right." Raven replied flatly.

"Seems that way." Garfield agreed.

Cyborg opened his mouth as if to say something, but just threw up his hands. "I can't even deal with this right now! I need to go process everything that just happened, you guys can go do… Whatever. I'll be in the garage, where things make sense." With that he stomped off, mumbling dejectedly to himself.

Garfield and Raven looked at each other. "I think that went well, don't you?" Raven asked innocently.

"What's your angle here?" Garfield asked bluntly. There was no need to beat around the bush with her, and he needed answers.

"No angle, I just want to be close with you." She replied calmly.

"I already told you, I can't return those feelings. I'm incapable of it."

"I know. Just let me be selfish for a while." She grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couch, where they sat down. "What do you want to watch?" She asked, grabbing the remote.

He looked at her quizzically. "You're serious?"

"Deadly." She leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Now, what do you want to watch?"

Garfield sighed, frustrated. It seems she was dead set on doing this. It was bothersome, but he figured that she would grow tired of him eventually.

"I guess I'm fine with whatever." He said, resigned to it.

A week passed, then two, but Raven showed no signs of letting up. In fact, it seemed she was getting more comfortable with displaying her affections. Over their short time as a couple, she had increased the amount of time they spent together, they were now basically inseparable. She also had no qualms initiating physical intimacy, hugging, cuddling, and holding hands were commonplace now. He often found himself the victim of surprise attacks, where she would sneak up and kiss him, or nibble his ear. It was becoming apparent who wore the pants in the relationship, and he received endless ribbing from Robin and Cyborg.

Garfield now sat on the couch in the common room, playing video games as Raven lounged next to him reading a book, her smooth legs laying across his. They were distracting, to say the least. The odd tingling feeling in his stomach that he got whenever she was close didn't help either. He was having a hard time playing off the relationship because frankly, he didn't quite know how to act. With Terra it had been easier because he had danced comfortably on the edge between friendship and infatuation. Raven had plowed right into full-blown romance, and that was uncharted territory. Should he be fawning over her? Making grand gestures, and dazzling everyone? He didn't know. Apparently this was good enough, because Raven hadn't said anything, and no one else seemed to be suspicious.

"Hey." Raven poked his cheek with her toe. "I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat."

Garfield turned off the TV, and stood, helping Raven up from the couch. "We're going out. Call us if you need something." He announced to the room.

From the kitchen, Cyborg caught Garfield's eye and mimed a whip being cracked. Garfield found the appropriate response to be to flip him off and leave without saying anything. That usually got a good response.

"Alright. Try not to get into trouble, and keep your communicators on you at all times." Robin said without looking up from his newspaper.

"Yes mom." Raven deadpanned.

Shadows enveloped them both as Raven teleported them to a café they frequented. They promptly ordered their food and sat down at their usual table, ignoring the commotion they caused by their arrival. Raven had dragged him out to this place their first date, and it quickly became her favorite place to display her green hostage. When they first went out in public together the media swarmed like jackals to a wounded gazelle. The paparazzi surrounded them, and they couldn't enjoy a single meal without flashing camera lights or being pestered by personal questions. Curiously, Garfield observed that Raven seemed less disturbed by it than he was. She would calmly drink her tea while watching him, and he would return her gaze evenly. It was incredibly surreal. Eventually the hype about the newest Titan couple died down and they were left in peace, though this café had become a popular spot for Titan fans to gather.

"Hey Gar…"

Garfield looked up from staring into his coffee, almost surprised. They had been sitting there quietly for nearly two hours, not a word between them, so he was a little startled when she suddenly spoke.

"What?" He answered.

"Would you let me…" She hesitated, biting her lip and averting her gaze. Garfield raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "Would you let me go into your mind?"

"Sure."

Now Raven look surprised. "Yeah? Just like that?"

"Just like that. I have nothing to hide. Robin already has my full history on record, and I have no secrets besides the one that you already found out. So, if this'll make you leave me alone, by all means."

Raven was quiet for a while, clearly disturbed by his candor. "Alright. Come to my room tonight after dinner." She said uncertainly.

"Okay." Garfield said, downing the last of his coffee.

* * *

Hey guys, sorry that these are taking so long. I've a really bad habit of procrastinating. It actually only took me about a full day to write this one out, I just need to sit down and do it. In the next chapter or the chapter after I'll be getting a little dark and probably a little gruesome so, you know, beware. Also, I'm not completely happy that Raven ended up blackmailing Garfield, but I kind of wrote myself into a corner by saying that she had a plan. It's the best that I could come up with. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed it, please review it and give me some feedback.

-Mocha


	4. More than we bargained for

This chapter gets a little dark, so you know, ye be warned.

* * *

Raven sat in front of her vanity mirror, fussing with her hair. Since their conversation that afternoon she'd been a nervous wreck. Actually, since before that she'd been a nervous wreck. All the flirting, all the romantic gestures, and public displays of affection that she herself initiated made her want to run screaming. If she wasn't with her "boyfriend" than she was here in her room, meditating. It was all part of the plan that Wisdom had laid out, but Raven really wasn't equipped to deal with the emotional strain that this forced relationship was causing for her. But, it was working. If he was true to his word, Gar would be on his way to her room right now, to allow her into his mind so that she might discover… something.

She really had no idea what she was looking for. Maybe a memory, or some sort of traumatic event. There had to be something that caused all this, that caused him to be this way. And she was supposed to find it. _What have I gotten myself into?_ She desperately wanted to redo the conversation from earlier, she wasn't prepared for this. What if she went in and saw something she didn't like? How would seeing into his mind affect her, emotionally? Could she hold it all together long enough to help? Her mind raced with these thoughts. She was so consumed by self-doubt that she didn't hear the knocking at her door for several minutes.

Finally, the impatient knocking reached her and she stood up sharply from her chair. She almost tripped over herself getting to the door, and pulled it open to find Gar there with a blank look on his face.

"I'm here." He said tersely, and stepped inside.

"So I see." Raven stated, closing the door behind him.

"So how does this work?" He stood in the center of her room and turned to face her. "Do I need to sit? Lie down?"

Raven summoned all the fake confidence she had and strode towards him. "Eager to start are we?"

"The sooner we do this, the sooner things can go back to the way they were. It was better that way." He said all this matter-of-factly, without malice or anger. That made Raven a little frustrated.

"Actually, I never agreed to break up with you if we did this." She said, walking past him towards her bed.

Gar stared at her quietly for a few seconds before heading for the door.

"But," Raven continued, taking a seat at the edge of her bed. "I might consider it."

He stopped, turned, and cocked his head, watching her intently. "There's really no bargaining with you, is there?"

Raven cracked a small smile, and pointed to the chair she had set up across from her. "Let's begin."

* * *

The thing about memory is, it's fluid. Very rarely can anyone remember a whole scene perfectly. A moment here, or few seconds there might come in clearly, but almost never the entire memory. So much influences a person's perceptions in the moment, and over time, that whatever actually happened is rewritten to better fit the internal narrative that everyone carries. The emotional impression that a person leaves on another is more important than the precise words that were said, and a person's memories reflect that. At this point in her life Raven had walked through many people's minds and had a firm grasp on what it was to peer into someone's mind, and travel through their memories. Most people's minds were like oceans, or storms, or jungles. Chaotic environments that you had to navigate carefully. Gar's mind was not like that.

Raven realized the moment she got there exactly how different his perception of the world really was. Instead of a roiling sea, or thundering clouds, his mind was like a library, or museum. Each memory he had was preserved perfectly. He didn't warp what people said or how they acted with his emotions, he didn't twist it to fit his picture of everything, he just observed. It was like every moment of his life was captured in a glass box, preserved for research. When Raven touched one she was transferred into the scene, and would watch it play out from a third person perspective. His thoughts about what was being said or done could be heard like commentary. It was almost scientific the way he explained or speculated why a person was acting a certain way, trying to understand. The sterile, unbiased observations he made of people's behaviors around him was haunting.

Raven paced the halls of Gar's mind, and began sifting through his memories, starting with the most recent. Memories of the past week played out as she heard his voice try and piece together the purpose behind her actions. Raven moved to past that, going further back. There had to be something, some poisonous thorn in the flesh of his soul that she could find and rip out. He couldn't have been born like this, it wouldn't make sense. There were too many inconsistencies in his behavior. Why would Gar be a hero? Or vegetarian for that matter? To cover up his true nature? He could get by without any of that, why go through the trouble?

Here, a memory of him and Cyborg playing pranks on each other. Another one of them playing games. Memories of training with Robin, with Starfire, and with Raven. There were scores of memories of Raven and Gar interacting. All the moments where he reached out to her. Here was the memory of them fighting Trigon. And of them talking after the Malchior incident. She saw them fighting, arguing, bickering, and talking. Raven look at the memory of when he gave her the penny, and heard his voice play over the scene.

" _This was an odd moment. There was no reason to give her that, it would've been fine without it, but I did. Requires further thought."_

Raven soon found herself in his memories before the Titans, with the Doom Patrol. She saw how Gar didn't quite understand why Mento acted the way he did towards him, didn't understand what he could do to fix it. Rita's doting on him was perplexing, but he played along to avoid trouble. Raven saw that it was during his time here that he learned how to act normally. He understood that if he acted in certain ways, and played his part correctly, that the others would leave him alone. Gar knew that he was strange, that the way he viewed and thought about things would scare people. That if he let them see him for what he truly was it would only bring trouble. So he learned to hide it.

The memories of his time with Galtry mortified Raven. The cruel treatment at the hands of this man were unbearable for her to see. She saw Gar watch everything that was happening to himself with curiosity, as if none of it were actually happening to him. The attempted murder, the years of abuse, he saw all of it through a lens of detachment. Raven sat by the child version of Gar as he dispassionately watched two thieves gun each other down in front of him. The two thieves had used him to steal a fortune in rare items, treating him as little more than a slave. Gar didn't care, they fed and clothed him, and that's all that mattered to him. Raven stood by and witnessed as they stole him from Africa, intrigued by his green skin and ability to transform.

All the hardship in his life passed Gar by as though it were all a play, interesting but unimportant. None of it made him feel anything, even at that young age. Raven watched a young Garfield sit in the dirt as he observed the other children playing, his arms wrapped around his legs while he rested his chin on his knees. Something then occurred to Raven. _Where are his parents?_ She jumped from the memory she was in and started going further back, pressing into the deep recesses of his mind. In a dark corner she found a door. It was unassuming and plain, gray in color and simple in design. It was cool to the touch as she pushed it open, and stepped inside. There was only one shelf that held a few memories, each glass box placed reverently on a soft pillow. Raven knew that these ones were different, for each emitted a soft warm light. She touched one, and was pulled into a pleasant memory of Gar and his parents playing together in the sun. In this memory Gar felt happiness and contentment. The sudden shift in mentality was polarizing to Raven. There was no clinical commentary of what was going on, or what he thought about the memory, there was just joy and warmth.

The memory ended and Raven found herself back in the closed off room. _I knew it! I knew that he had to have felt emotion at some point, even if he doesn't now._ She was overjoyed. She had been terrified that maybe she was wrong and he was broken from the beginning had lingered in the back of her mind, leeching her determination. But now it was gone, swept away like so much garbage. She wanted to break down and cry in relief, or laugh uncontrollably, but she wasn't done yet. She still had to find the source of all his trauma, so that he might begin to heal. There was one memory at the bottom of the shelf that was different from the others. Instead of a clear glass box, this one was opaque and had cracks on each side of it. Raven reached out one hand cautiously, and pressed one finger on its cold surface.

Gar sat with his mother, Marie, in the front of the boat as his father, Mark, tried to steer them to the riverbed. What was supposed to be a fun day exploring the river had suddenly turned dire as their boat took damage and they were thrown off course. His father fought to bring them aground, but could not pull away from the strong current of the river. Marie turned to Gar and forced him to look at her.

"Gar, sweetie, I need you to turn into bird and fly away now." She said, struggling to keep herself calm. "Can you do that for mommy?"

The young Garfield shook his head and buried his tear stained face in his mother's shirt.

Marie looked distraught. "Gar, please listen to mommy. Turn into a bird and fly to the shore." She said, panic slipping into her voice.

"No!" Gar wrapped his arms tighter around her.

Marie looked out over the rapids towards the approaching waterfall, then looked back to her husband, fear etched in every line her face. Mark left his end of the boat and grabbed Gar, lifting him from his mother.

"You have to be brave son. We need you to fly and get help. Can you do that?" He looked Gar straight in the eyes as he said this. Gar rubbed his eyes and nodded. "Good. Now go!"

Mark hoisted his son above his head and Gar transformed into a parrot and flew to the shore. He landed there and watched as his parents went over the waterfall. He was later found and taken to the village that his family have been staying in.

Raven watched the scene again and again. It was sad, having to abandon your parents to their death. This must be the trauma, but something wasn't quite right. Something was wrong. Parts of this memory felt unreal, fabricated. Fake. The memory played out just like it said it did in the history that Gar had given Robin, but it wasn't like the other memories. So she picked at it, pulled at the edges and corners. After a while it began to flake apart, the weak façade peeling away like old skin, like a scab. Again the scene unfolded, but this time Gar didn't transform and leave his parents. He clung to them both as as the boat plunged over the edge of the waterfall. The memory went black as he fell unconscious.

When Gar awoke he found himself in a wooden cage, a rope tied around his neck and leashed to a spike just outside. People began gathering around him as they noticed he was awake, a strange African tribe with ritualistic scarring all over their bodies. They spoke to him in a language he didn't understand, poked and prodded him with spears.

"Where are my parents?! I want my mommy and daddy!" Gar's pleas fell on deaf ears, they either couldn't understand him or chose to ignore him. He didn't think to transform, the fear and panic he felt were too overwhelming.

His tormentors refused to feed him, and barely gave him enough water to stay alive. Lost, alone, starved and dehydrated, he was delirious and barely conscious. Gar didn't think of escape, couldn't in his debilitated mind. He lay on the dirt in his cage, unmoving despite their shouting and jabbing. Time crawled past unbearably slow, and he soon lost track of day and night. The ground beneath him was the only thing he saw.

Meat. There was meat in his cage. Gar couldn't believe it, refused to. But it was there. He snatched it and ate it hungrily, though it was raw and bloodied. He didn't care, it was the only food he'd had in days, and who knew when they'd feed him again. They kept feeding him, and he kept gorging himself, crying tears of relief even as he vomited from overfeeding. Raven watched in horror as Gar, barely more than six years old, was reduced to an animal.

When there was no more left they took him from his cage, and dragged him by his leash to an altar. Even in his delirium Gar knew what this must be. They were going to sacrifice him. It was some sort of sick ritual. In some small part of his mind he recalled an old story that was told in the village he stayed at. How if you weren't a good boy demons from the jungle would come, and take you. Gar began laughing as he stood upon the altar. He hadn't believed in the story, thought himself too smart to believe in things like that. They began tying him on the altar, pulling him down into a kneeling position. A man stepped up before him dressed in elaborate ceremonial garb, and painted in blood. He held a dagger made from bone and carved with archaic runes. As the man raised the blade above his head to plunge into Gar's chest, Gar noticed something. His laughter died in his throat.

For the first time in God knows how long, Gar saw his parents. Instead of being in cages like he had been, they were tied to stakes. Their eyes stared out towards him, unseeing. They had been tortured to death, cruel wounds carved into their flesh. They were missing arms and legs, the bloodied stumps still fresh. With gut wrenching horror Gar and Raven realized where the meat had come from. A scream rang out, a guttural roar from Gar that tore at Raven's heart as she felt the rage and grief and disgust emanating from him. The transformation came unbidden, his binds snapping as Gar became bigger, fangs and claws growing. The memory blacked out once again as he towered over the man with the dagger.

Gar came to in the jungle, wandering aimlessly as blood dripped from his mouth and hands. He didn't feel sad, or angry, or relief from escaping. Just tired. When the villagers finally found him they were of course mortified to see him in such a state, half starved and malnourished, dried blood caked all over his upper body. They didn't ask him what had happened, just brought him home and cleaned him up. The memory faded as Gar was sat alone in a hut, curled in on himself.

* * *

Raven fell back on her bed as she exited his mind. Gar stood up suddenly, pushing the chair over and sending it clattering to the ground. He reached one hand up tenderly, and wiped at his face.

"What did you do?" He asked accusingly. He stared at his tear stained hands in horror, like they were covered in blood. "What did you do to me!?" He held out his hands towards her.

"Gar…" One hand went to Raven's mouth as tears streaked down her face. "Oh Garfield, I'm so sorry…" She said.

He stumbled backwards into her door, slapping the button on the wall to open it. He backed out into the hall, and ran.

"I'm so sorry." Raven whispered, then collapsed on her bed and wept.

* * *

Well that got pretty dark. But, it turned out pretty much exactly like I have it in my mind, so I'm happy. Sorry if it made you squeamish, but that's kind of my taste in literature. Dark and brutal. Also, sorry if it seems like the story develops a little too fast, but I did start this story kind of as an afterthought. And I cranked this chapter out pretty fast too. Someone said last time that my characterization of Beast Boy and Raven kind of fly in the face of what we saw on the show. I'm going to admit right now that I never watched the whole show, and I haven't seen it in years. These are more of like the impressions that I have of them. So there. Read and review or whatever and give me some feedback, it's always welcome.

-Mocha


	5. Overload

Morning light poured in through the windows as Garfield sat in the common room, a bowl of cereal growing soggy on the table before him. He didn't care about that, didn't even notice it. His mind was back three days ago, when Raven had gone into his mind and fucked everything up. What a fucking disaster that had been. Everything had been fine, they could all live with how things were, why did she have to go and fuck it all up? Now everything, _absolutely everything,_ was fucked. Garfield blamed himself though, he'd been naïve. It hadn't been _odd_ when Raven confessed to him, it hadn't been _odd_ when she blackmailed him into a relationship, nor had it been _odd_ when she'd asked to enter his mind. It had been dangerous, and he had drastically under reacted, and now he was quite literally undone. One tug, and he was unraveling like a goddamn sweater.

As the sun rose his teammates shuffled in and began making breakfast. Cyborg immediately manned the stove, and Garfield had to cover his nose in order to avoid the nauseating smells that began wafting his way. He understood now why he had stuck so adamantly to vegetarianism. In some part of his subconscious, meat had reminded him of… all that had happened, but now, because of Raven, it was all in the forefront of his mind. And it sickened him. Garfield picked up his bowl of mush, and moved to the couch where he sat down, and continued to stare at it without eating.

After he'd left Raven's room that night Garfield had torn his own room apart, and now he had to figure out how to explain why everything inside was little more than bits of fabric and wood. That, or figure out how to replace all the furniture without anybody noticing. The pragmatic side of his mind supposed he could ask Raven to teleport anything he wanted into the room. She definitely owed him after everything that happened. But the raw, emotional side of his mind that had, until now, been under control wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. Speaking of Raven…

"Go away." Garfield spoke without turning around, his delicate senses having picked up exactly who was standing behind him. He felt her linger for a moment before retreating. _At least she knows when to back off._ Her particular fragrance, which had always been pleasant to him, now only served to infuriate him further. Despite everything, he did still enjoy it, but right now he didn't want to enjoy anything that came from her.

Garfield sat there for some time, clenching and unclenching one hand into a fist, and staring at the bowl in his lap. He took no notice of his teammates as they went about their morning routines, responding only with grunts or shrugs if bothered. The energy to bother with any of the antics that created his disguise was gone, he just wanted to be left alone. Unfortunately, the people he lived with could never leave anything alone.

"Hey BB, looking kinda down in the dumps." Cyborg said, leaning over the couch.

Garfield shrugged. He wasn't going to explain to them what was going on. It was his business, and absolutely none of theirs.

"Anything I can do to help?"

Grunt.

"You know what you need?"

 _Besides for you to leave me the fuck alone?_

Cyborg reached behind himself. "A big plate of piping ho-" He began yelling excitedly.

As Cyborg pulled the plate around Garfield could smell exactly what was on it, and could feel his face contort with disgust. The plate smashed against the wall across the room before Cyborg finished speaking, the bacon it had been holding scattered across the floor. Garfield was standing, the bowl of sludge that had been on his lap was now shattered on the ground at his feet. He glared down at Cyborg.

"Keep that _disgusting shit_ away from me." He said, voice low and dark.

Garfield stalked out of the room then, ignoring the commotion his behavior had caused. Raven's eyes watched him as he went, and he could feel her gaze. Could feel the sadness and regret radiating from them. Didn't matter, he couldn't forgive her. How could he possibly? She'd destroyed everything he'd been. Tore down all his walls, all his defenses, and left him bare. Now he was a roiling mass of volatile emotions, a raw nerve, and he didn't know what to do with himself.

His bedroom door slid shut behind him as he stepped inside. Garfield grabbed up a broken chair leg from the floor, and smashed it against the wall with both hands. Ignoring the resulting shower of splinters, he strode across the room and slammed his fist against the wall. Then he did it again. And again. He didn't stop until his fist was numb, and there was a decent sized splotch of blood smearing the surface. It wasn't until then that he collapsed against the wall and slid down to the floor, cupping his broken hand in the other. _Is this what people feel like when they're angry?_ There was a small crater in the wall where he'd taken out his frustrations. _It's exhausting._ He lifted his unbroken hand up to his eyes, and brought it away wet with tears. They wouldn't stop falling. _How does anyone function?_

Time passed, and he sat there curled in on himself, hands tucked protectively against his stomach, head resting on his knees. He didn't bother to answer when Cyborg came to apologize, or when Robin came demanding answers, or when Starfire offered to make him food. It didn't matter, none of it mattered. He couldn't explain, and they wouldn't understand. Despite the throbbing pain in his hand eventually drifted off to sleep.

.

.

Sometime later Garfield awoke with a start. Immediately he realized that he been moved to his bed during his sleep. Since his door had been locked that left two suspects; Cyborg, who had the override codes, or Raven, who could phase through just about anything. A quick inspection of his now completely healed hand confirmed his suspicions. Garfield threw off his sheets, and stomped out of his room, heading for Raven's. It wasn't enough that she had unraveled his mind? Now she had to break into his room? She, of all people, should know the value of having your own sanctuary. But it seemed that she would continue to push his buttons if he didn't do something. So now, he was doing something.

Garfield reached the door and banged on it loudly several times. "Come out Raven! I know you're in there!"

A heavy moment passed, then the door quietly slid open. Raven stood there, refusing to meet his gaze. "Hello, G–"

"What the fuck is your problem? Why can't you just leave me the fuck alone?" He cut her off. "Can't you see that you only make it worse? I'm fucking miserable now, and you're the last person I want around me!"

"Gar, I–"

He shoved her roughly, forcing her back into her room. "Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough!" He was yelling, advancing towards her as she stumbled backwards. "I don't ever want to see your face again. I don't ever want to hear your name, smell your scent, or think about you. _Leave. Me. Alone_." He was face-to-face with her now, nearly screaming every word.

The disgust he felt for himself at losing control like this was nearly overpowering. Seeing himself ranting like this filled him with dread. The only other time he truly lost control of himself was when he had transformed into that monster, The Beast, and he felt his mind quickly approaching that tipping point. At the same time, this rage filled him with a feeling of vindication that he didn't want to let go of. He stood there for a moment, panting heavily before composing himself a little, and turning to leave. As he reached the door he heard her voice.

"No."

Garfield stopped. " _What?_ "

"I'm not going to leave you alone. I can't, and I won't."

"Why _the fuck_ not?" He turned around, and saw her face, determination etched in every line.

"Because maybe I have made _myself_ clear enough." Raven pulled down her hood to look him straight in the eye. "I love you, Garfield Logan."

Garfield felt the air leave his lungs, like someone had hit him with the truck. She was still saying that? After everything that happened, and the mess that he was now, she could still say that?

"Are you fucking _mental_? Everything that I was before was _an act_ , a ploy to get people to like me! You don't even fucking know me!" He yelled.

Raven shook her head slowly. "I don't believe that, and I do know you. You eat vegetarian food because of what happened to you, but you actually enjoy it. You use video games as an escape, but revel in the competition with Cyborg. You genuinely enjoy comic books and movies. You love justice, and enforcing it, because you hope that in some way you can stop what happened to you from happening to anyone else. I know this." She smiled softly.

Anxiety was building up in Garfield's chest, his heart felt like it was going to explode. "No. You're wrong." He felt the door behind him bump up against his back, and swallowed dryly.

"I think that some part of you wants more than anything to feel again." Raven started walking towards him slowly.

"No! I hate you for what you've done to me!" Garfield's hands went up to clutch at his skull, a dull throbbing pain beginning to build in his brow.

Raven stopped before him, and reached out a hand to gingerly caress his face. "That's okay. You can hate me, as long as you feel something. Isn't that what you've always done for me?"

Garfield wasn't breathing, wasn't thinking. His world had become her hand on his cheek, and the rapid beating of his heart. The room was spinning slightly, and his knees were on the brink of giving. He had come here to confront her, and take back the initiative, but all that he had managed to do was goad her on, and confuse himself even more. Why was she saying all these things? All of it was untrue, Garfield didn't do things for any sentiment. None of his actions held to any emotional significance, or deeper meaning. Right? He didn't know. With his mind swirling with emotions, and Raven so close he couldn't think straight. He had to get away, but was frozen. Garfield gradually looked up to meet her eyes, and found that when he did, he found them utterly fascinating. How had he missed her captivating amethyst eyes until now?

Raven gasped. "You're bleeding!"

It took Garfield a second to understand what she had said, the pounding in his ears made it hard to process anything. With one hand he reached up and wiped out his nose. His fingers came away red. A short, strangled, mirthless laugh escaped his lips, and then Garfield fell to his knees and passed out.


	6. System Reboot

"Garfield!"

Raven dropped with Garfield as he collapsed to his knees, catching him before he fell to the ground completely. She tilted back his head to look at his face. He was out cold. Panic started to rise in Raven's breast. Why did he start bleeding? Was he hurt? How? Was Raven the cause of it? She pushed the barrage of questions out of her mind, and laid Garfield down gently, letting his head rest on her lap. Wiping hastily at his face with her cloak, she applied her healing magic and stopped the bleeding, but he remained unconscious. With her magic she tried to diagnose the problem, but couldn't calm down and focus her powers enough to be accurate. She needed help. Raven practically ripped the communicator from her belt.

"Cyborg! Come in Cyborg!" She yelled.

His face immediately popped up on the screen, his expression one of surprise and worry. "Whoa! What's wrong little sister, what's the emergency?"

"It's Garfield! He's hurt!"

"Where are you?" On the screen Cyborg was up and moving.

"In my room! Please help us!" Raven begged, becoming nearly hysterical.

Around her, objects were flying off the walls and shelves, exploding, melting, burning. A whirlwind of books, items, and clothes surrounded her and Garfield. Raven was hunched over Garfield in the center of the swirling debris, holding his head and gazing at his face, desperately mumbling her mantra under breath. A few seconds later, Cyborg burst through the door. He raised his arms protectively around his head as he braved the storm inside Raven's room.

"Raven! You need to stop!" He yelled over the maelstrom.

Raven looked up to meet his eyes. Outside in the hallway she could see Robin and StarFire looking in, confused and concerned for their friends. She numbly nodded her head, lifted both hands to slap her cheeks, clearing her mind. Freaking out and ruining her room would not help Garfield. The chaos in her room froze and everything fell to the ground. Cyborg didn't waste any time and immediately scooped Garfield off the ground. He turned on his heel and headed straight for the infirmary, the other Titans following quickly.

Once in the infirmary Cyborg quickly but gently placed Garfield down on one of the beds, and began setting up sensors to see what was wrong. As he placed different electrodes on Garfield's body, machines and screens around the room began turning on, beeping and whirring. All Raven could do was sit next to him, holding his hand and kneading their fingers together. Seeing Garfield suddenly gush blood from his nose, and then watching his eyes roll into the back of his skull had been a harrowing experience. One she didn't care to repeat.

She stayed like that for a long time, ignoring everything else but Garfield. She'd hurt him. This was the result of her pushing too hard, too fast. Raven wasn't sure if she could continue with the Wisdom's plan. It was fine if she was hurting herself, making Garfield hate her. That was a price worth paying if it could heal him. But now he was the one hurting, and it broke her heart to see him this way, and to know that she was the one that put him there.

"It's a bit early to tell for sure, but I'm not seeing anything physically wrong with him."

Cyborg's words cut through her thoughts, bringing her attention to the present. If she was going to be of any help to Garfield, she needed to stop being so emotional.

She looked up to meet his eyes directly. "What do you mean nothing physically wrong? People don't just spontaneously start bleeding profusely." Raven said, her voice hitting that familiar monotone.

Cyborg gave her an odd look, no doubt reacting to her sudden shift in behavior.

"I know it doesn't make sense, but his body's perfectly healthy. The only strange thing is the brain. It's showing an incredible amount of activity. Look at this." He turned a monitor to face the room. It showed a few graphs with erratic lines on them. "This amount of activity is typically seen in combat, or similarly highly stressful situations. He should be bouncing off the walls, not sleeping."

Robin, who had been standing by with StarFire quietly, turned to Raven. "Alright, I've tried to be reserved regarding yours and Garfield's relationship, but now it's affecting the whole team." He leveled his piercing gaze on her. "What were you and Gar doing in your room before all this? I need the whole truth."

"We were arguing." Raven refused to meet his eyes.

"And?"

Raven gazed upon Garfield's face, battling with herself. "And things got heated."

Robin was quiet for a long moment. "Did your powers lash out at him?"

"No, of course not! How could you think that?!" Raven glared at Robin. That was one of her worst fears, her powers hurting her friends, and he had just thrown it in her face without blinking.

Crossing his arms, he glared back at her. "I need to know what happened, Raven, and if you aren't going to tell me outright then I need to start ruling out possibilities."

"Please, friends, let's not fight." StarFire said worriedly. "We should be focusing on helping our friend Garfield, not yelling at each other."

Robin's expression softened as he looked at her. "Of course, Star, you're right. I'm just worried is all."

Raven didn't say anything, just went back to looking at Garfield. StarFire approached her tentatively.

"Raven?" She said softly. "My love is right, we need to know the events that led to this most most unfortunate outcome."

Breathing in deeply and closing her eyes, Raven whispered her mantra a few times. It wasn't her place to divulge Garfield's secret, something he had trusted with her, and only her. At the same time, it could be the only way she could help. His mind was blocked off, a thick impenetrable fog surrounded it, making it impossible to see or enter. She looked at his hand in hers. If she revealed his secret it could help heal him, at the risk of incurring even more of his hatred. He would never trust her with anything again. Just the thought of that brought despair on par with her sixteenth birthday. Losing Garfield, in any way, would end her.

Raven brought his hand up with hers to kiss his knuckles gently. Situation reversed, she knew Garfield wouldn't hesitate to tell them everything, though it would mean burning that bridge permanently. He was selfless like that, even if he refused to believe it. Throughout the years, even at great risk of harm to himself, he had pestered Raven endlessly because on some level he must've known that was exactly what she needed. He gave from himself freely, from volunteering for dangerous missions to simply taking a thrashing from Cyborg in videogames, everything he did was for the benefit of others. Raven had watched him over the past year, and was simply amazed at how little he asked for in return. It was that observation that made her realize her feelings for him. The revelation that he couldn't feel his own emotions had taken her by surprise, but the more she thought about it the more she thought it couldn't be true. Based on all of his actions, she realized some tiny part of his emotional self must be directing him.

She released her breath slowly, hissing between her teeth and lips. Raven knew what she had to do, it would make Garfield hate her, but it needed to be done. Opening her eyes, she turned to face the others directly. In a detached, matter-of-fact way Raven told the others everything. She told them of her confession, and Garfield's tragic secret. Of her trips to Nevermore, and plans to help him. How she blackmailed him into a fake relationship in order to acclimatize his mind and spirit to her, thereby making it easier for her to enter into his mind. She spoke of the trip there in a grave tone, describing his memories and how he viewed them. Raven only paused for a second before telling her team the twisted, horrible, morbid fate that befell Garfield and his parents after their fall. Finally she told them of the past few days, how Garfield had ignored her and then finally confronted her in her bedroom.

The room was silent when she finished, the only sound the continuous hum of the medical equipment. Robin and Cyborg wore heavy expressions, contemplating the full weight of what had been said. StarFire was simply mortified, one hand pressed over her mouth as she cried into Robin's shoulder. Raven had turned her eyes back to Garfield, her hands holding one of his.

"Could this be true? How did we not see it?" Cyborg asked to no one in particular.

"We are bad friends!" StarFire wailed. "We did not see that our friend Garfield was in the pain, and now he is hurting far worse!"

Robin wrapped his arms around her comfortingly. "It's not your fault Star. I'm the leader, I should've noticed. Should've helped. I–"

"Oh shut up." Raven didn't raise her voice, but she said it firmly. "I'm the one who loves him, if anyone should've noticed anything, it should've been me. If you're looking for someone to blame, blame me, but don't sit there feeling sorry for yourself."

"Just a minute Raven, we–" Cyborg began to respond, but Raven cut him off too.

"You think I wasn't devastated when I found out? Or just as confused? I was. I considered doing a lot of things, but the one thing I didn't do was throw myself a pity party. Garfield needs our help now more than ever, we don't have time to waste on that."

At that, the three of them went quiet again. Raven took that as a sign to continue.

"I think when Garfield and I were speaking just now it must've been too much for his newly exposed emotional mind. The only thing that I can think of now is that the experience overloaded his mind, and it shut down."

"So what do we do now?" Cyborg asked desperately.

"I don't think there's any thing we can do right now. We just have to wait on him until he recovers." She said, shaking her head.

"What!? We can't just sit around and do nothing!" Cyborg yelled.

"I didn't say we would be doing nothing!" Raven snapped. She let go of Garfield's hand, and stood to face the others. "Ultimately, my plan for Garfield was to help him find closure for all the trauma he's endured. Now, in order for me to figure out how to do that I need to meditate, so I need you leave the room."

Robin opened his mouth to argue against her, but stopped when she leveled her eyes on him.

"Robin? I think we should heed our friend Raven, and give her the room." StarFire tugged on his sleeve, pulling him towards the door. Although he looked very reluctant to go, he eventually conceded and let StarFire lead him from the room. Raven and StarFire were very different, but they could read each other easily, and always had each other's backs. Raven sent her a grateful look as they stepped out of the room. Cyborg was the last to leave, and as he stood in the doorway he turned.

"I just want to let you know that–"

"I'm fine, Vic."

"Right, but if you need to talk…"

"I know where to find you. Really, I'm all right. I just need to meditate."

Cyborg just stood there silently looking at her. Then he nodded his head once, and left. When everyone had gone, and she was sure that no one was in earshot, Raven lowered her head to rest on Garfield's chest and quietly wept.

* * *

Yeck. So, I needed this chapter in order to transfer into the next part of the story, but honestly I had no idea what I wanted going into it. As I started writing it I realized that no matter what, it wasn't going to come out very good. Maybe if I had more time, or if I properly storyboarded this fic I'd have something decent, but as with most things I do, I'm kind of just shooting from the hip. Thus this steaming heap. Anyway, I hope you could choke this down because the next chapter I think is going to be pretty cool. Read, review, and thanks for all the support.


	7. Fever Dreams

Garfield was home. _Home_ home. Africa.

He sat at the head of a table, his father on his left, mother on his right, outside the small house his parents had built, all those years ago. The table was piled high with the ridiculously spicy native cuisine and succulent local fruit. And he was a child again, unmarred and unhurt by strange animals or cruel twists of fate. The sun shone in the sky well beyond noon, and it was blazing hot, and humid, but he didn't mind. In the jungle around them animals chattered, and plant life swayed. Everything was so alive here, so naturally vibrant. He missed this place, and the simple life it offered. Life in the city was cluttered with pollution, and other humans. Two things he could go without, even if he would have to do away with the conveniences of 'civilized' life.

But what was this? A dream? He remembered going to confront Raven, but after that everything went hazy, which was concerning because his memory was _always_ clear. He didn't forget, and he didn't mix things up. Idly spooning food into his mouth, Garfield tried to go over everything that happened. A little over month ago Raven confessed, and he rejected her, revealing his secret in the process. Raven blackmailed him into a pseudo-relationship to eventually gain access into his mind. When she did, she proceeded to unveil his darkest memories, causing him to lose his control, emotionally. After a few days of ignoring her, Garfield went to confront her and… Nothing. This was very worrying.

Rubbing his head in frustration, Garfield glanced at both his parents. His mother had rich blonde hair, and sparkling blue eyes. Her mouth always settled in a subtle smile, as if she were going to start laughing at any moment. His father had dark red hair, and deep emerald eyes. The way the skin crinkled around them when he smiled spoke only of mischief. She was five feet tall exactly, while his father stood at five feet and eleven inches, making them a little mismatched. They were speaking to each other, but they weren't speaking English. In fact, they weren't speaking any language. With morbid realization, Garfield recognized the sound coming from their mouths was the sound of rushing water. The sound of a waterfall.

Suddenly great waves of water were crashing down on them from all sides, flooding the area, and washing the house away in a ferocious torrent. As the water rose he was pulled onto the table by his father and mother, and then they were being pulled by the current. They held each other desperately as they were carried further downstream. The desire to transform and bring his parents to safety was the only thing in his mind, but he couldn't as this weak child without powers. The feeling of uselessness consumed him. He could do nothing, but watch in horror as they drew closer to a gargantuan waterfall. Then he was falling, crashing, drowning. Fading…

* * *

Quiet sobbing nearby. It was barely there, but he heard it. Garfield was laying down somewhere, the surface underneath him lumpy and uncomfortable. There was a weight on his chest that shuddered every now and then. Someone's head? His eyes fluttered as he tried to force them open, but it was like trying to lift a car with his bare hands. His mind was so foggy. He couldn't think straight. The smell of antiseptic, and, faintly, lavender. Where the _hell_ was he? He wanted whoever was crying on him to stop. _Needed_ them to. He didn't like that they were sad. Why was his mouth so dry? Slowly, with great effort, Garfield raised his hand. Every part of him was so goddamn _heavy_. He rested it on the person's head, and tried to move his hand in a soothing motion, enjoying the feel of soft silky hair. He heard the person gasp, and then felt them sit up.

"It's okay." He barely whispered, his throat parched, and lips chapped. "Don't cry."

"Garfield?" A voice called out, and he felt two soft hands grab hold on either side of his face. "Garfield?! Stay with me!"

But he was already fading, slipping down into inky blackness…

* * *

Birds cried out, and animals screamed all around as Garfield bounded through the jungle. He had no idea how he got here, or why he was being chased, but he needed to keep going. Jumping over the remains of a fallen tree, he took a sharp left and ducked under a branch. Whatever it was he was running from – and he _was_ running from something – was right behind him, hungry, insistent, unstoppable. He could feel the bloodlust as a cold tingle down his spine, and through his arms and legs. Fear was a horrible emotion, as he was beginning to understand. He had expressed it before, for the sake of others, but he had never truly grasped exactly what it felt like. Without the barriers in his mind to keep it out, he was now experiencing fully the debilitating, crippling pressure all around him.

Garfield grabbed a vine and began scrambling up a tree, hoping to gain some time and rest for a moment. No such luck. As he reached the fourth branch up, he felt the tree lurch as something heavy hit it. Then it began shaking as whatever was chasing him started climbing up.

"Shit!" Garfield swore in a panicked, strangled voice.

Leaping from his perch, he barely made it across to another tree, landing painfully on his gut across a branch. Without pausing to catch his breath, he heaved himself up, and kept moving from tree branch to tree branch, hoping to lose his pursuer in the thick canopy. But he was running ragged at this point, and had barely enough energy to keep making these jumps. He stopped, and leaned against the trunk of a tree, holding his aching side with one hand. Listening intently for any sounds of pursuit, and finding none, Garfield slid down into a sitting position, and tried to slow his breathing.

He was out of breath, out of energy, and out of ideas. Garfield closed his eyes, willing himself to calm down. Confusion overwhelmed every thought, he had thousands of questions racing through his mind. He just woke up stumbling through this jungle, adrenaline already pumping through his veins as he frantically searched for a place to hide, the thing that chased him closing in. A hot, acrid breath puffed on his face. Out of time. He felt a massive claw wrap around his throat, and lift him up. Garfield opened one eye to see this monster that'd been chasing him, and glimpsed feral green eyes before everything faded black again.

* * *

He was on the altar again. A raised circular dais made of rough wood with a stake in the center. His arms were above his head, bound together at the wrist, and lashed to the stake behind him. Shadows in the background danced, and cavorted just beyond the light of the bonfire, voicing fierce cries in a strange language. Before Garfield stood the shaman in his elaborate ceremonial garb, ritualistic scarring all over his body, and painted in bloody runes. In the shaman's hand was the bone knife, notched and covered in spidery scrawlings. With the deliberate slowness of a surgeon, the shaman stepped forward, and started _pushing_ the dull blade up, and into Garfield's chest. Garfield's eyes widened as he felt his skin part, and the blade slide in between his ribs, and he hissed through his teeth. It was a sharp, searing pain that slowly dug deeper, and deeper into him, lighting his nerves on fire. He squeezed his eyes shut, and bit down on his tongue hard. He struggled with his arms to try and break his bindings, but he was bound at the waist, and his feet were anchored to the dais by wooden spikes. The bone blade ground against his rib as the shaman twisted it, a cruel smile slicing across his face, exposing decaying brown teeth. Giving in, Garfield tilted back his head, and opened his mouth in a pained grimace.

* * *

A sound, part scream, part roar, tore from his throat as Garfield's eyes flew open. Hands pushed him back down as he tried to rise, and then held him when he started thrashing in place. God, it was like _fire_ trapped inside his rib cage. He was yelling, screaming at the blurred shapes he saw through the red haze, obscenities tumbling from his mouth in incoherent strings. He tasted blood at one point, not his own. Sweat dripped down his brow into his eyes, and mouth, and down his neck, and he could feel veins bulging as he strained to get free.

And then he was staring into vibrant violet eyes, a cool hand resting on his cheek. A familiar, soothing voice murmured softly into his ear.

"It burns!" He told the eyes desperately. " _It! Burns!_ "

"I know," The voice whispered back. "I know."

He felt the tension bleed from his body, the strength draining from his muscles. Collapsing back down onto the uncomfortable, lumpy surface, Garfield whimpered quietly as someone held him close to her chest. He wrapped one arm around her awkwardly, gripping her tightly as he began fading once more…

* * *

"You're pathetic."

Garfield stood at the base of The Tower, all his stuff packed up in bags, the sun shining on his back as he faced the others. They were sending him off, cutting him from the team. He was baffled, he'd been doing so _well._ Why were they sending him away?

"Not only could you not save your parents, you feasted on their flesh. Begged for it, even." Raven spat, a look of contempt in her eyes so deep it made Garfield want to curl up, and wither away. "Disgusting."

"You're an abomination, Garfield. It was a mistake to have you on this team." Robin said, his mouth a tight line underneath his unreadable mask. "A Beast with a taste for human flesh is a danger to us all."

Garfield looked pleadingly to Cyborg and Starfire, hoping to find some sympathy.

"Cannibalism is universally profane. It is as Raven has said, you are disgusting." Starfire stated simply, coming to stand next to Robin.

Cyborg simply shook his head when Garfield tried to meet his eyes. Words streamed from Garfield's mouth as he tried to defend himself. Excuses like "I was starving!", and "They tricked me!" fell on deaf ears as they all turned to go back inside. Rushing forward, Garfield went to grab Raven's arm, but as soon as he touched her she burst into smoke, and was blown away by the wind. Then the world began to unravel as his friends, and the scenery around him swirled away in a wild storm of smoke and color until everything was black. Garfield hugged himself as the darkness consumed him.

"You're a monster, Garfield." He told himself. "Why pretend to be anything different?"

* * *

Garfield was home.

He sat at the head of the table outside the small house his parents had built. There was no background in which he could place his location, just impenetrable darkness. The table was piled high with organs, limbs, and dead things. His parents – father on his left, mother on his right – sat staring at him, dead eyes seeing nothing. Surrounding them on all sides was every person whose death Garfield had played a role in, in varying states of decay and dismemberment. In the distance he could hear pained yells, and crazed laughter. He was a child once more, small, cold, and afraid. This place was vile, and he wanted nothing more than to run far, far away. Looking down, he found in his hands a human arm, a fresh bite already taken. He tasted the blood in his mouth, felt it run down his chin, and neck.

The arm fell to the table as Garfield stood up suddenly. _No no no no no_. His hands went to his head as he staggered away in a stupor. _This isn't happening, this can't be happening_. He stumbled around in the expanding black abyss, trying to hold onto one shred of sanity. _Not again, please not again._ The pain in his head, and chest was multiplying exponentially with each breath he took until it felt like his head must crack open, and his innards burst into flame. Garfield fell to the ground on his side, and pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around them. He whispered to himself, trying to make sense of everything. The only thing holding his mind together was a memory. The last time he'd been truly, completely happy to the core of his being. He held this memory in the most remote corner of his mind, deep within his subconscious, to take out and reassure himself that he was, in fact, human.

It was only a moment, really. A moment on a sandy beach, on an island, where he had made a silly comment, and the most beautiful girl he had ever seen graced his life with her laugh. It was in that moment that he had found something to work towards, something to give meaning to his life. It wouldn't be easy, but he would make this girl, this woman, happy. Because she made _him_ happy.

* * *

Garfield awoke slowly, working to open his eyes. Every inch of his body was exhausted. He could feel a layer of old sweat on his skin like congealed oil. It clung to his face, neck, and chest, and drenched the sheets around him. The fluorescent lights were harsh to look at, and hummed incessantly in the background. There was the constant beep of the machine next to him, diligently monitoring his vitals, and somewhere nearby an oscillating fan creaked as it turned from side to side. He was resting in a lumpy, uncomfortable hospital bed in the Titans' med bay, and every bone in his body ached. Trying to move too quickly made his head swim, so he ended up just staying as still as possible while he tried to observe his surroundings.

Glancing down to his right arm, he saw an IV line into just below the inside of his elbow, held in place by medical tape. A bag of clear liquid hung by the side of the bed as it drained drop by drop into line. Garfield blinked slowly, his eyes feeling dry and crusty, pain lingering just behind them. He tried swallowing, but his throat felt raw, and it was exhausting to do that too. Managing to turn his head to the left without much trouble, he glimpsed Raven through his barely opened eyelids. Pain lanced from the front of his brain to the back, and he cringed. It felt like someone driving a metal spike through the center of his brow, while at the same time he'd been thrown down a very long, very steep gravel driveway.

She was reading a book, it looked like Shakespeare, but Garfield's eyes weren't focusing enough to read the title. Garfield watched her for a while until it clicked that not only the book, but also a steaming mug of tea were both floating by the use of her powers. So his eyes tracked her arms down their length until he found that both her hands were holding one of his.

Taking a breath, Garfield squeezed his hand around hers. She stiffened, surprised, and quickly looked up from her book to meet his gaze.

"Raven?" He asked uncertainly, voice hoarse and quiet with disuse. "Is this… Is this real?"

The mug cracked audibly, a hairline fracture spidering up its length. A look of utmost relief overcame Raven's normally stoic features, a small smile spreading almost imperceptibly.

"Yes, Garfield." She choked. Tears were threatening to overwhelm her. "Welcome back."

* * *

Hey guys, sorry it's been a while. I had to go to the hospital for a little bit. Pneumonia's a sonofabitch. And then I was also busy for a while, but everything's fine now. I'm back in tip top shape, and finally getting back into the groove of writing. This story is coming to a close soon, probably in the next chapter, so I want to thank you all for reading, and reviewing. I really wasn't expecting any of my stories to be so popular, so it's really awesome. Some of you guys say the nicest things. I may come back and reedit some chapters to really flesh them out, so check back in every once in a while, and be sure to check out my other stories.

– Mocha


	8. Be with You

The Titans were gathered around one of the hospital beds in the med bay, watching its occupant intently. One of the fluorescent lights in the corner has become flickering, and Raven was finding it irritatingly inappropriate for the atmosphere that currently pervaded the room. It was a dark, heavy mood that rested on everyone present, making them silent as Cyborg spoke.

"We found this," Said Cyborg, holding up a small glass jar. "Inches from your heart."

Inside the jar was a chip of bone less than an inch long, no thicker or wider than a thumb nail. Its color was an old, sick yellow. Three crisscrossing black lines were carved into one side of it.

"When you, um, got sick we tried everything we could think of to figure out what was wrong." He continued. "Finally we did some ultrahigh definition x-ray scans of your whole body, and found this tiny thing."

There was an awkward silence as he waited for Garfield to respond in some way. He just continued to stare into his lap. Cyborg coughed nervously.

"Raven and I performed some surgery to pull the bone from you. She healed you up quite a bit, but I'm going to recommend that you stay in bed for a while." He finished lamely.

At the mention of her name, Garfield's eyes went directly to her, the first thing he'd done since he sat up. One of his hands slowly rubbed his chest where the scar would be. Raven felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach, and cursed herself for it. Now was not the time to get all gooey inside. After he had woken up, she had quickly called the others in. Cyborg went about checking his vitals, and making sure everything was okay before explaining to Garfield everything that happened in the week since he had collapsed. Which brought them to this point.

Raven cleared her throat softly.

"I believe it to be a piece of the dagger they planned to use on you… It has faint traces of dark magic on it. Blood magic." She paused, but Garfield only kept staring blankly at her. "My best guess is that they were trying to make you their slave. They must have seen you use your powers, that's the only reason I could think of. The nature of the magic they were using would've suppressed your human mind and emotions, and would place you under their control. But because you interrupted the ritual, and because the medium they were using broke, the spell only partially succeeded."

Garfield turned his head, and looked at the blank wall to his side. Raven paused again, wondering if maybe they were moving too fast, too soon. But when he didn't do anything else she decided to continue.

"Most likely, the reason you had your… episode was because I started forcing you to feel too much emotion, which directly conflicted with the curse they placed on you. I…" Raven hesitated, struggling with how to express her guilt properly. "I was foolish, Garfield. I didn't understand the situation fully, and I didn't know what I was doing. I thought I could help, but my actions did more harm than good. I don't think I can ever say how truly sorry I am."

There was a long silent moment where no one spoke. There was nothing really to say. Raven had apologized, but she didn't expect to be forgiven. Starfire held her breath, uncertain about the outcome of this whole ordeal, but hoping for the best. Robin's mouth was set in a grim line, trying to see how he could make the situation better, or failing that, form a contingency plan for whatever happened. Cyborg was simply distraught. As the self-proclaimed older brother of the team, he felt that it was his job to help them out with stuff specifically like this, especially since their leader was absolute garbage with emotions. But he had failed, completely, utterly failed.

"How long was I out?" Garfield asked, his voice a hoarse whisper.

The question startled everyone out of their internal turmoil. He was still staring at the wall blankly, but everyone had heard him say the words. They weren't sure what they expected him to be like when he woke up, and it was unsettling that he wasn't really reacting to anything.

"A week." Robin abruptly answered, shifting from his position against the wall. "Seven days."

"One week…" Garfield said softly to himself, licking his dry lips.

Starfire floated forward to the foot of the bed. "But now you have returned to us, and it is a most joyous occasion!" She began, trying to lift the mood in the room. "We shall have the partying, and the junked food to celebrate your gloriou–"

She stopped suddenly when Robin placed a hand on her shoulder, her feet touching the ground when she saw the look on his face. Garfield was unresponsive, both of his hands clenched into fists in his lap. Then, moving slowly, he brought his legs over the side of the bed, and placed his bare feet on the ground. He stood unsteadily, leaning on the bed for support. It was only when he tried to take a step, and his knee buckled underneath him did Cyborg snap out of it, and rush forward to help his friend.

"Get away! Don't touch me!" Garfield snapped viciously, glaring at all of them. He squeezed his eyes shut, and turned his face downward. "Please, just… Don't…"

Garfield pushed himself off the ground, and stumbled through them to the hallway. Raven watched forlornly as he headed towards his room, leaning heavily on the wall.

.

.

They barely saw him for another week. Garfield barely left his room the entire time, coming out for food and water only when he was absolutely certain he would be undisturbed. Everyone had spent hours at his door, begging him to come out, to speak to them, to let them know he was okay. Everyone, except Raven. She didn't think he'd want her anywhere near him, she had ruined his life after all. Azar, what had she been thinking? That she had any idea of what his problems were, or how to go about solving them? She nearly killed him in her selfishness. Raven wouldn't be surprised if he never spoke to her again, and even if he did she wouldn't know what to say.

When Garfield finally did leave his room, he looked like a madman. His hair was unkempt, and his face was unshaven. Bloodshot eyes sat in sunken eyesockets, and his clothes were a mess. It was haunting. The effect was only added to when he would suddenly burst out laughing uncontrollably, or break down crying for hours on end. In the first days after he returned, there was an ill-advised attempt to bring about a sense of normalcy by allowing him on a mission. He nearly killed Johnny Rancid in a fit of savage rage, and the villain was currently going through medical and psychological rehabilitation. Best case, Johnny would walk with a limp for the rest of his life. Worst-case, the leg was lost entirely, and he would be wheelchair-bound forever.

Time passed, and there was barely any indication of Garfield getting better. Though his emotional outbursts were becoming less frequent, it hardly mattered if he wasn't truly healing. The others asked Raven to do something, to help in some way. Raven refused. She'd already done enough damage.

It wasn't until three months after he left the med bay that he would initiate a conversation for the first time. It was with Raven.

.

.

It was a cool, dark night with a clear sky, so you could see the stars above with clarity. Everyone else had gone to bed, leaving Raven alone in the common room resting on the couch. Similar to Garfield, Raven became somewhat reclusive after the incident, though not to his extent, and was only recently becoming comfortable around her friends again. She had spent the evening with her friends, speaking with them in her reserved way as they ate dinner. With everything that had been going on, it was nice to know that she could count on them as family.

Raven nearly jumped when someone sat down next to her on the couch. She had been reading the same line in her book a dozen times over, and had accidentally lulled herself into a sort of daze. Her heart seized when she looked to her left. Garfield sat not two feet from her, staring straight ahead at the TV. His hands gripped the edge of the couch cushion tightly, the muscles in his jaw stood out as he clenched them. Raven looked around the room frantically, her eyes widening as she saw that they were alone. She made to unfold her legs from underneath herself, and leave quickly.

"I'm not," He said the words haltingly, uncertainly, struggling to express himself. "Okay…"

Raven froze mid-motion, halfway up from the couch. She'd been expecting anger, but he didn't sound angry. He sounded lost. Instinctually, she turned to him in concern.

"I can _feel_ everything. Anger, and happiness, despair, and joy, fear, and courage. Love, and hate. Everything, all at once. I can't…" His voice quivered as he held everything in, and breathed in a shaky breath. "It's so fucked. It's all bubbling over, and I can't even _begin_ to express it. I'm so jumbled up that Robin is considering putting me in a psych ward. And I can't fucking blame him."

Schooling her mind into some semblance of calm, Raven lowered herself back to the couch. She hadn't heard of any such plan, but she knew Garfield was telling the truth. She'd be having a few words with Robin next time she saw him.

"Christ, Raven, I nearly killed a man. I definitely need help. I need _your_ help." He looked at her when he said this, meeting her eyes dead on.

Her mouth opened and closed once, twice, before she found her voice. "I can show you some meditation techniques…" She began tentatively.

"No, that's not–" Garfield stood up abruptly, his hands messing his hair in frustration as he paced in front of her. "I can't do this alone. If I'm to get through this I need something, someone, there in the end to make it worth it." He stopped in front of her, and his expression was a mixture of fear, and hope, and something indescribable. "I am so _furious_ with you. I don't know when that'll ever stop. But… I want to be with you, Raven. If you still want to be with me."

Her heart clenched in her chest. She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. Almost didn't dare to hope. How can we be standing there, asking her that? After all the pain she caused, all the damage she'd done? This moment seemed impossible, but she didn't want to question it, for fear that would break whatever miracle was happening here. Hot tears began spilling from her eyes as she stood to be face-to-face with him.

"Of course, Garfield." Her voice wavered as she took his hands in her own, leaning her brow against his. "You don't have to ask. You will never have to ask. Of course I want to be with you."

.

.

And there you have it. The end. Well, a soft end anyway. I'm not too happy actually with this chapter. It feels a bit too short, a bit too contrived. Oh well. I've got an idea for an epilogue that I think I'm gonna write. Something like, years down the road a more normal Garfield talks to his son. But for the most part this is where the story ends. Thank you so much for all of your support, kind words, follows, and favorites. I had a lot of fun writing this even though I had no plan in place. You guys should listen to Undeniable You by Jukebox the Ghost, it's the song that inspired me to write this. I thought about integrating it into this chapter by decided against it, since song fics are not really my favorite. Which you might not be able to tell since one of my other stories already has two separate chapters with songs in them. What else, what else, what else. Uuuh… Oh! I guess I can do another mailbag. Yeah let's go with that.

From the last chapter…

RPG Persona – glad to hear that you're glad to hear that I am healthy. Your reviews in particular are always interesting to read and I'm glad to have your viewership. Readership. Whatever.

Allen Blaster – I'm really glad you think that! Honestly I didn't have a clue as to where this was going when I started, and I really didn't expect it to become my most popular story to date. If I can make my readers feel any emotion at all, I think I can consider my job done. I hope this last chapter didn't disappoint!

Thank you again for reading! It's really inspiring for me personally, and I really love reading your reviews. The fact that anyone reads my stuff, and then takes the time to say something about it that's usually positive still blows my mind. Be sure to check out my other stories, especially Chaotic Neutral! I think that was going to be my next most popular.

– Mocha


	9. Epilogue

Corvus sat at the base of a large maple, observing his twin sister, Lilith. While he remained in the shade at the top of the hill alone, she lay further down, in the sun with her friends and beau. It seemed that he and she were always opposites, in personality as well as appearance. His hair was short, straight, and a deep indigo like their mother's. Her long dreadlocks, tied in a thick ponytail, reached down past her shoulders, and were naturally green like their father's, though a few of the thick strands were dyed a bright purple. Both their eyes were hetero chromatic, but his left eye was violet, and his right eye was green, and hers were the reverse. The powers he possessed were tied directly to his emotions, and thus he had a chakra stone placed in order to center himself, while his sister never needed such a thing, her powers being more like their father's.

Another prime example of their juxtaposition was their friends. Hers, and his lack thereof. While Corvus wasn't completely friendless, his group was more or less limited to their team, and a few others. Lilith, on the other hand, always knew someone no matter where they went in the city. She naturally outshone him in social situations, drawing people to her with her bright smile, and cheery attitude. Corvus was dour, sarcastic, and literally sucked light out of the room when he entered, an unfortunate side effect of his more powerful demonic heritage. They had their similarities of course. Pale gray-green skin, pointed ears, and pronounced canines, to name a few. They were both vegetarian, like their parents, and they were the same height as well. However, they were so starkly different in everything else that Corvus often wondered if they were, in fact, related.

His book forgotten in the grass beside him, he continued to watch as his sister pointed up to the clouds, said something, and everyone broke out laughing. The frown on his face deepened, just slightly. He really didn't get it. Why was she so charming, and why was he so… not? Was it something wrong with him?

"Heya sport. Why the long face?" A familiar voice said from behind.

Turning in place, Corvus' eyes came to rest on his father, Garfield Logan, The Changeling. His father stood behind him and to the left, holding in one hand a water balloon about the size of a large potato. He was a tall man, broad shouldered, and well-muscled. He was getting older, evidenced by the gray starting to appear at his temples, yet still had a youthful exuberance about him. People often said that he looked like his father, but Corvus didn't see it. Maybe once he grew out of his teenage years, and started working out.

"Sport?" Corvus returned, arching one eyebrow.

"No?"

"No."

His father tossed the balloon to his other hand. "Ah well. What's eating you?"

"Nothing." Corvus replied, turning back to face forward.

"Doesn't seem like nothing." Garfield said, flopping down next to him.

Corvus remained silent.

"Does it have to do with your sister?"

His eye twitched, barely.

"I see." His father continued, watching his face intently. "And what is it about her?"

Refusing to answer, Corvus simply brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them.

"Did she prank you again?"

 _Nope._

"Or did she break something of yours?"

 _No._

"Is seeing her with her friends it?"

His eye twitched again. _Damn_.

"Ah ha!" His father exclaimed triumphantly. "You feel left out."

Corvus leveled a glare at his father. "That's _not_ it."

His father simply raised an eyebrow, and tossed the water balloon back to his other hand.

"I was just wondering why she has so many friends, and I have so few." Corvus explained.

"Isn't it just because she's so open, and inviting?"

"Obviously. I'm wondering why _I'm_ not like that."

"Well that's because your mother and I trained you to control your emotions since your powers are so much like hers."

"But mom is absolutely fine expressing herself."

"It took quite some time for her to gain control over herself like that, and she was years older than you." His father said.

Corvus remained silent, unsatisfied with that answer. Next to him, his father rubbed the back of his head, obviously uncertain of how to deal with the conversation.

"This is probably a better conversation to have with your mother, I've never really been any good with this kind of stuff." He continued finally. "There was a time when I had trouble expressing what I was feeling. It was a tough time, but what saved me wasn't all the different surface level friends I had. It was the Titans, my closest friends. It's okay to only have a few friends."

Another long pause. His father was obviously struggling to find the right words.

"Listen, if you want to change yourself that's totally fine. It's great in fact. But don't feel that you have to become someone else to feel better about who you are. And take it _slow_. If there is one thing I learned from my own experience, it's that if you rush these kind of things, they'll blow up in your face." He said after a moment.

"That was…" Corvus said slowly. "Really terrible, dad."

His father laughed. "Yeah, I'm no good at this kind of thing. That's why I usually leave it to my better half."

He seemed to notice something behind Corvus, and got a suddenly contemplative look in his eyes then he broke out in a grin.

"Alright, I'm going to go see a certain wife of mine about this water balloon." He said, popping up from the ground. "But before I go let me just say, I had no idea that your mother even remotely liked me until she barged into my room and, metaphorically, beat me over the head with it. Don't be an idiot like your dad, son.

Corvus scrunched his eyebrows as he watched his father stroll down the hill towards the picnic, whistling the whole time. _The hell is that supposed to mean?_

Half a heartbeat later, someone sat down softly next to him, causing him to flinch slightly. He whipped around, ready to give the intruder a piece of his mind, but stopped when he saw who it was, and settled with just giving them a cross look.

"Hello, friend Corvus." She greeted.

"Hello, Mar'i." He returned dryly.

Her casual smile widened and brightened, which in turn made the frown he was wearing return to a simple, flat line. She had bright red hair like her mother, but icy blue eyes like her father. It was a striking combination that worked well with her sharp features of natural beauty.

"What are you doing here?"

"Thinking." He explained, looking back down towards his sister.

Mar'i followed his gaze. "I see. Would you mind terribly if I sat and thought with you?"

The young empath glanced back at her. Unlike her mother Starfire, Mar'i hadn't developed the need to constantly ask questions, and instead was perfectly happy waiting for an explanation, or answer. Because of that, and a number of other things about her, she was, probably, his best friend.

"No, not at all."

She hummed happily, and scooted a bit closer, placing her hand close enough to his so that their pinkies rubbed each other. He didn't notice, his mind was elsewhere. She sighed, and leaned against his shoulder with hers. Subconsciously, he leaned further into the warmth she provided.

"Hey Mar'i?"

"Hmmm?"

"Am I… different?"

She cocked her head to the side, and looked at him curiously. "From what?"

"I mean, like, weird, or strange." Corvus clarified.

"Oh yes, very strange. The strangest person I know." She told him.

He frowned. Mar'i was a very nice person, and had the best intentions, but sometimes she missed certain social cues. It was normally an endearing quality, since she tended to be direct, and had no interest in playing games with people, but right now it wa–

"It's wonderful." She finished, returning her gaze to the park before them, and tucking her hair behind one ear.

Again the frown on his face evaporated, returning his expression to neutral, with just a hint of a smile. Sighing contentedly, she rested her head on his shoulder, and Corvus didn't know why, but he suddenly felt better. Happy, even. Odd, how the presence of one person could change your mood so drastically. He wondered idly why that was.

.

.

And it's done! Thank you very much for your readership, and all the nice reviews, and encouragement! You guys are seriously the best! Did you guys like my versions of the children? Did you like how I ended the story? I tried to tie it in more with the main story, but it ended up feeling forced, and clunky, so I revised it until I got this. I hope I didn't disappoint anyone. I forgot to mention in the last chapter, but the significance of the title comes from the first chapter, where Garfield says "it's not that I don't like you, it's that I can't. I'm broken." The implied meaning being that he could/would pursue a relationship with her if he wasn't so fucked up.

Time for a mailbag bitches!

RPGPersona – yeah, I know! I tried to foreshadow it a bit by mentioning the dagger, and chest pains in chapters 4 and 7, respectively, but it was only a vague idea that I had since I really didn't plan out the whole story. Oh well. Hopefully you enjoyed this epilogue!

Stella Bella 123 – thanks! I tried really hard to convey the frustration that he felt, so am glad that you got that. I hope this epilogue didn't disappoint!

.  – good! That was totally my intention!

CuddlyHawk – thank you! My intention with this story was to really dig into his past and find a way to reinterpret his character, so I'm really glad when people say stuff like this. Also, what's a headcanon?

Thanks for sticking with me all the way to the end! Be sure to check out all my other stories!

– Mocha


End file.
